The audition
This week we received a phone call at our little camp asking us to audition for a pearl commercial being shot at Cape Leveque.
A great opportunity to make some money and take a trip up the coast to another beautiful beach! Yes! …and the laughs we would have watching ourselves together on the big screen!
My character sounded juicy, a ‘simple minded stylist’.
Unfortunately, the script was a bit of a lemon:
Sorry darl
Now your earrings darl
They’ll be ready for you in a minute darl
Very un-incredible dialogue. It’s like a master chef contestant being handed a soggy lettuce for a final cook off. But you work with what you’ve got.
Adam’s character, a cranky photographer. His script:
ad lib – photographer abusing a camera assistant.
So my master chef opponent gets a succulent leg of lamb, a bucket of spices and a camp stove to work with.
We workshopped the abusive dialogue. These are a few of our favourite lines:
For fuck’s sake!
You had ONE job!
If you spent less time hovering around the food and more time concentrating, we might actually get some work done!
I’m working with a pack of idiots.
Next, we scouted through our very few belongings to find costumes and props. I’ve never seen a stylist in old camping clothes, but again, you work with what you’ve got. Then we videoed each other performing our parts in the scrub.
Adam psyched himself into cranky mode and let rip with abuse and fist waving, while I gave him directions, like the following:
“You had ONE job! The emphasis is on the ‘ONE’. And I want to feel how frustrated you are. I’m not feeling it. Let’s do it again.’
and then when he nailed it:
‘That’s the one! That’s the one! My turn!’
My rendition of a stylist was a bit comedy festival. It’s not what I intended but when I watched the video back it was clear that I am unable to take anything seriously.
We made lots of movies starring us, probably many more than we needed to. I had forgotten how much fun it is to play dress ups and prance around pretending to be someone else. I absolutely recommend it as an exercise for liberating the creative self and keeping relationships fresh.
Whoosh! went the videos as they zoomed off through the sky and on their way to the director. For the rest of the evening we threw in our audition lines wherever there was an opportunity.
When I forgot to take the sausages to the fire:
‘You had ONE job!’
When Adam asked me to bring the sausages to the fire a second time:
‘I’ll be with you in a minute darl.’
When I was still eating sausages long after Adam had gutsed his all down:
‘If you spent less time hovering over the food, we might get some washing up done!’
The audition results came in the next day. Adam was in. I was out.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if the feedback was:
‘We can’t really have someone playing a stylist who takes the piss out of stylists.’
But it was this:
‘You’re too old. They want someone younger.’
How could this be? I felt fifteen years old while I was delivering those shit lines! I knew I should have dyed my hair. Don’t they know we come as a team?
‘I’m dealing with a pack of idiots.’
As it turns out, they are not a pack of idiots. We have been at Cape Leveque with the film crew for three days now, and they have been completely lovely to us. Adam has been dressing up and prancing about pretending to be someone else, and I have enjoyed swimming and taking photos of myself jumping off sand dunes while no one’s looking …and long hours writing under a lush mahogany tree.
I am looking forward to watching Adam on the big screen. Oh! The laughs we will have!